Blood Lust Page 22

  “You’ve never been an angel. As much as he was a factor, I’ve known on some level this is a part of you. It doesn’t change anything for me.” That sounded a little too lenient, so I amended myself. “I never like to hear you did something so terrible. It turns my stomach to think of some of the things you’ve done, honestly, but I understand.”

  I touched her cheek and she looked at me with unreadable eyes.

  “I know you from the inside out. I’ll always hope for you to be your best, but I understand you’re not the same as me, and I’ll be here for the worst too. I want you to try, and I don’t want your life to be so violent and so heavy, but I’m here and I promise I’ll never let you get lost in the dark.”

  She hugged me tight, her face disappearing into my neck. We stayed like that for a long time, Scarlett threading her fingers through her hair. Half of me was reminiscing on my words. Half of me was wondering if she was okay because she wasn’t breathing, though I could feel the catharsis of her working through what I had said.

  “For better or for worse… Is there something you want to ask me, Princess?”

  Her voice was rough when she pulled back, a welcome peace in her eyes beneath the glitter of her teasing.

  My heart beat fast and suddenly I was nervous, breathless, because I did want that. I wanted forever with her, with her family, and as much as she was joking, I felt the faint glimmer of hope beneath it too.

  I took a deep breath, suddenly ready to be brave, but she pressed her cool finger against my lips before I could speak.

  She knew what I was going to say. Her eyes shone with the first echoes of tears. She studied me intensely, looking at me like I was something unusual, something fascinating, in a way that reminded me so much of our first days together.

  “Soon.” It was a promise, and it hung between us for a few seconds before finally her finger fell away only to be replaced by her lips.

  “Might as well get married. After all, I’ve heard it’s quite a common problem in your world, your significant other spending your money while you’re out of town.”

  I shoved her away, licking the taste of her from my lips, caught between apologizing and laughing.

  “What’s yours is mine?” I tried.

  She laughed.

  “Fine, but I’m still giving Shikara a hard time about letting you do it. I’ve been calling her Mommy at random, and it freaks her out like you wouldn’t believe.”

  I loved her like this, head back and laughing, light in a way she so rarely got to be.

  Finally, the laughter subsided, and I kissed her cheek, unable to resist.

  “And how about your mom, how’s that going?”

  She shrugged, but her optimism bubbled below her apathetic exterior.

  “We both got head fucked by him, maybe there’s something in common there. She wants to make up for lost time, I’m open to spending some time together. Jade is still struggling with the fact that she didn’t really want either of us to be created, but I think she’ll come around. Shikara has been helping her a lot. I think Cami might actually be jealous.”

  She snorted.

  “Still glad you live with a bunch of crazy vampires?”

  I twirled the ends of her hair in my fingers.

  “Every day.”

  She smiled at me like I was the most precious thing in the world, and with contentment flowing back and forth between us, my own insecurity was too far away to question it. She pulled out her phone and lit the screen, and for a second, I worried she was going to leave. She put it away and I held my breath, ready for her excuse.

  “Do you know what day it is?”

  “Wednesday?”

  She laughed.

  “It’s midnight, Happy birthday, Princess.”

  “What… Really?”

  She nodded.

  “It’s today? That means I’m nineteen. I can’t believe I lost track of the date, though I actually can.”

  “Well, technically you’re eighteen, and you’ll probably always be eighteen. I don’t know if aging up works the same for hybrids, but I’m okay with that.”

  She gave me a smoldering look.

  “You remembered my birthday?” I was not immune to the darkness in her eyes, the coarseness of her voice, but somehow the emotion was stronger. Before Scarlett I was invisible; a slew of horrible birthdays I tried to ignore spanned behind me. The fact we were up here because she remembered made my chest warm and my heart hurt with too much happiness.

  “Of course.” She said it as if to her, a three-hundred-and-seventy-year-old vampire who had just overthrown an entire regime for me and was running a city and dealing with a total family upheaval, remembering my almost irrelevant birthday was the most obvious thing in the world.

  Chapter Sixteen

  SHIKARA HAD JUST finished moving the last of Camilla’s things into Jade’s room, apparently taking it as some sort of personal challenge to do it all by herself. Given the amount of boxes, it had definitely been challenging, but Shikara seemed barely out of breath, though I guess that meant nothing.

  “Mom, you’re being gross.”

  Jade’s relationship with Helena was steadily improving. She came down every so often to spend time with her daughters, and while Scarlett was civil enough but closed off, Jade’s careful optimism about the whole thing was a joy to witness.

  “Helena, you are ogling Shikara something fierce,” Cami agreed.

  “They’re right, my love, you have been staring…”

  They all laughed. I hovered by the doorframe of the living room, enjoying the sweet moment.

  Helena’s eyes fell on me.

  “Rayne, dear, why don’t you come and sit down. She’ll be home soon. We were going to look at some of the new agriculture plans if you’re interested?”

  Somehow, without Scarlett, I didn’t feel quite like I fit. It wasn’t that they made me feel unwelcome; in fact, it was the opposite. Everything in Pearce Tower had been so warm lately, so open and welcoming and so much was changing, and evolving for the better. The domesticity surrounding me just made me ache for Scarlett. She was home much more than she once had been, but she was still gone too often, especially now the plans to improve the city were finally being put into effect.

  I plopped onto the sofa, Camilla and Jade on one side, Helena on the other with Shikara perched on the arm beside her, running a whetstone absentmindedly along the blade of a knife.

  “Not in the house, darling.” Helena chided her gently, before she unrolled a large diagram of the Fringe and the surrounding farmlands at the edge of Vires. It was fascinating. I lost myself in it easily, enjoying listening to Helena talk passionately about the science behind the new developments, and Jade and Camilla’s input on the social and economic side of things, as well as Camilla’s concerns that the “stench” would reach the inner ring of the city.

  “Rayne.”

  Shikara tapped my shoulder, pulling me back from where I had been following along with Helena’s explanation of how crop rotation worked.

  “Scarlett texted, she’d like to meet with you at the bunker. She said to tell you everything is fine and asked me to accompany you.”

  She shared a look with Helena that I couldn’t decipher but it made me uneasy. Jade must have caught it.

  “I could use some fresh air. How about me and Cami come too?”

  I nodded my agreement before Shikara could say no and left to get my shoes and coat.

  They made small talk around me as we walked through the square. Spring was coming to Vires more and more every day. The market was as peaceful as it had been since the announcement of some of the city improvements. I was pleased that rather than creating anarchy, the improvements we had all become so invested in seemed to be making it a better place.

  Helena asked me questions multiple times, and I knew my answers were short and non-committal, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread hanging over me. I told myself it was just thoughts of descending into the bunker aga
in. As we went down into the stale air, I tried to convince myself Scarlett missed me, or wanted something that probably wouldn’t be happening given almost our entire family had decided to tag along.

  She was anxious and excited. Her emotions hit me in the gut so hard that I lost my breath when we entered the foyer where she waited for us. Her nervousness frayed mine, before her eyes held my gaze, and suddenly, our connection was blank.

  “Hey, Scar, is everything all right?”

  Jade asked the question on everyone’s minds. Scarlett’s smile was big and genuine when she replied.

  “It’s fine, I just…I need to talk with Rayne alone first. But maybe you guys could wait here, and we’ll meet you once we’re done?”

  My feelings were so jumbled, so blended together that despite the clear happiness I could still see in Scarlett’s eyes, anxiety engulfed me. I took her hand, muscle memory knotting my fingers tight in hers as she led me away from the rest of our family. Thankfully, she took me into a room on the same level, and not any deeper in the bunker.

  I stepped inside and met the cool gray eyes of the scientist who had tested me the day that now felt so long ago. I knew her to be River, and her presence only made me more anxious.

  “Why don’t you sit down, sweetheart?”

  Scarlett’s voice was breathy, and I complied, perching on the edge of one of the chairs that lined the wall across from the desk where River sat, a million questions on my tongue. Tan fingers found mine in my lap and she took a deep breath, licking her lips and crossing her ankles. I knew she was stalling.

  “You’re scaring me, just tell me, please.”

  She was suddenly scared. I tried to reach out for her, tried to give her something steady, something calm, but my stomach was in knots. I saw the echoes of my unease on her face.

  “Scarlett, would you like me to start?” River’s voice cut in politely, and Scarlett studied me for a long moment, before she seemed to find her determination.

  “No, thank you. It should come from me.”

  My stomach plummeted.

  “No…Princess, no, it’s nothing bad. It’s good… I mean, I think it’s good and it’s okay if you don’t, and no one is going to make you be a part of anything you don’t want to be.”

  My heart felt ready to break out of my chest and my anxiety over the whole situation had reached a fever pitch I was struggling to tamp down.

  “Just tell me, please.” I tried to keep my voice steady but all I managed was a whisper. Scarlett took a deep breath.

  “We’ve been working to clear out the bunker, sort of doing an inventory, making sure everyone who works inside was loyal to us and excavating all of Wilfred’s dirty little secrets.”

  I wished desperately she would stop rambling and just say it.

  “We found something in one of the lab communities.” The way she blurted the words plus the widening of her eyes once they were out made me realize I had compelled her. I blushed crimson and resolved to get a hold of myself.

  She cleared her throat.

  “As I was saying, we found something. Another…project of my father’s, I suppose. I’m sure he intended it to be a way to manipulate us both in the future if his plan to have you work beside me had been a success.”

  My mind spun in a horror reel. Genetic weapons to make us crazy or make us forget each other sprung to mind, but why then was Scarlett so quietly excited underneath her nervousness?

  “I’m not sure how to tell you this.”

  I was worried I was going to be sick, so done with Wilfred Pearce and all his surprises.

  “Do you remember how Jade and I came to be, and how my mother wasn’t exactly an active party?”

  I nodded, unsure what she was trying to say. She stared at me for what felt like forever, apology and hope written all over her face. I struggled to put the pieces together until they fit with an astounding pop.

  There was no way she was telling me what I thought she was telling me…

  “What are you trying to say?” My voice was broken, pitchy with nerves and panic.

  “They found a little girl living in one of the communities. My father was the one who ordered her creation.” There was already so much warmth, so much life and hope and love in her voice, and I just couldn’t process it all. I couldn’t keep up. I stood abruptly, the feet of my chair scraping harshly against the concrete floor.

  “I just um… I…” I needed to get out of there, out of the thick, sweltering air of the bunker and feel the sunlight on my skin. I was hurting her; the reflection of her disappointment was overwhelming, no matter how hard she was trying to keep it away from me. I wanted to sit down and stay, but I was choking, my body telling me frantically that I was not getting enough oxygen, I was suffocating, so I turned and fled.

  I sped past the other vampires in the foyer, ignoring Jade’s desperate call asking me what had happened. I ran as fast as my feet would take me, out of the bunker that held so many memories, so many emotional echoes for me. I didn’t stop until I was outside, the late winter sun soothing on my face, fresh air cooling my burning lungs. I stumbled on leaden legs to a nearby bench and sat down, letting my head rest in my hands.

  I did my best to breathe, vaguely aware I was having some sort of panic attack. Guilt rose up in my throat, guilt for leaving Scarlett standing there, which fed into the panic again, and I was back to listening to my unsteady breaths.

  Someone sat down beside me. I felt their presence, the soft whisper of their clothes the only sound. I didn’t lift my head, still trying to force my mind through the information, to somehow make it sink in, make it feel real beyond the blinding panic that somehow, thanks to Wilfred, there was a little girl in the bunker who was made from me and Scarlett.

  “Beyond the shock, are you afraid of the responsibility or of her?”

  It was Helena’s voice that spoke to me, steady, soothing, her tone telling me she would wait for an answer if I didn’t know.

  “Both.” I choked on the word, the first prickle of tears in the back of my eyes, even as I covered them with my hands. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was terrified. Beyond the implications of having a child, a part of me was nervous about having a child with Scarlett.

  “She filled me in briefly, and Rayne, she doesn’t expect anything from you, even if she hopes for it. None of us will think less of you if you don’t feel ready.”

  It was all so overwhelming, and again, I was scared I was going to vomit. I scrubbed at my eyes and looked up into the vampire’s brown ones.

  “You’re in shock. Scarlett’s never been the best with emotions; she doesn’t realize dragging you down here and dropping it on you wasn’t the best way. She’s trying.”

  “I know she is.” I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting the tears I wasn’t exactly sure why I was crying to fall.

  “You feel what she feels, so you feel her hope? Her excitement?”

  I nodded, noting the fascination in her voice as she spoke about us being blood bound.

  “She tried to keep it away from me, but I knew.”

  “So, you know she wants this then?” she concluded, and I guessed I did.

  “I just…can’t imagine it. It doesn’t feel real. I know she’s more than she pretends, and she’s taken care of all of us, but she’s so…dark sometimes.”

  Helena fished something out of her pocket, and I watched her unlock her cell phone.

  “Do you think she would ever hurt Jade?”

  I shook my head. The question was ridiculous.

  “Of course not. Jade is…”

  “Even at her darkest, do you think she would directly and intentionally do anything to damage her? Do you think she did a poor job of raising her?”

  I could see the words cost her, the weight of years lost, time that could never be turned back, the admission that she had missed so much. I swallowed. Her sadness put my own into perspective.

  “Of course not, she would do anything for Jade.”

  She presse
d the phone into my hands. A picture stared back at me. I recognized Scarlett, looking about ten years old, sporting her signature glare and a fading black eye, a little girl with scruffy brown pigtails at her side.

  “Shikara took them for me through the years. She gave them to me recently, even after all this time…”

  She cleared her throat, coming back to the topic at hand.

  She swiped left and there were the Pearce sisters again, older this time, Jade’s hair in two neat braids as she stood in front of Scarlett.

  “I didn’t fix her hair that way, Scarlett did. She knows how to raise a child. Over the years she’d convinced herself the family she had was all she would ever have, and she’d managed to convince herself that was enough, until she met you.”

  I swallowed hard, still staring down at the guarded eyes in the picture, one green, one brown, small hands protective on Jade’s shoulders.

  “You expanded her world, made her dare to dream, Rayne. She almost got herself killed going over the wall to get back to you, and when you came here, she drove herself mad trying to get you from Chase Tower… I remember it like I was drunk the whole time. It’s blurred and the edges are frayed, but it’s there.”

  She took my hand in her cool one and squeezed.

  “We love you, you’ve been so good for her and nobody is going to think less of you if you don’t want to do this. You’re so young, but don’t let what society tells you a good parent has to be stop you. Scarlett was a good parent, the best parent to Jade. If you think you want to try she’d be there to guide you.”

  She was quiet, and I let the words settle over me, biting my lip and squeezing her fingers in mine, slowly coming back to myself as the haze of my panic lifted.

  “I have faith in her for this, and I have faith in you that you will do what’s best for yourself, whatever that is. You’re our family, and we all need to find a way to live with this together.”